Knapp's Relational Development Model talks about 10 stages of relationships, grouped into 'coming together' phase and 'growing apart' phase, as shown in the figure. He also says that a relationship may move backward and forward in these stages and it might also become stagnant at one particular stage. For example, relationship may come back to intensifying stage from the integration stage when couples break up, or like in case of most married couples it may become stagnant at bonding stage. Seems about right, doesn't it!
For some reason, I was thinking about this relationship life-cycle parallel to employee life-cycle and I found interesting similarities. On this auspicious day of Valentine, let's analyze these similarities in terms of various functions of HR in an employee life-cycle.
Recruitment process, in both cases, receives too many applications for a single position. You have to go through numerous rounds of selection where everything is assessed - your looks, personality, intellect, behavior and even experience.
Starting phase of your relationship and your job is just like a dream coming true. Everything seems beautiful, perfect and you are always carrying a smile on your face. This is known as Induction Period (or the honeymoon phase).
Just after you join, be it a relationship or a job you have to undergo rigorous Training and Development. In job, you have to get acquainted with company culture, organizational policies, your roles and responsibilities whereas in relationship you have to learn about other person's likes/dislikes, his/her sleeping, eating and drinking habits.
There are Compensations & Benefits in both - in job you get salary, insurance, social security and experience whereas in relationship you get companionship, sexual gratification, love and self-esteem.
February month is most critical in both as it is the Annual Appraisal time. In job, you are supposed to submit your self-reviews and receive feedback where your whole year's performance is reviewed; in relationship too this is annual review time as it's Valentine's day. Here also your whole year's performance is reviewed - how many gifts you gave, how many times you looked at (hot) girls, how many times you didn't call and most importantly how you made this valentine special. In either case, if you screw up in month of February you are screwed for the next whole year.
Growth is ultimate objective of a job as well as a relationship. In job, you want to move up the corporate ladder and in relationship you want to move up the Knapp's Relational Development Model.
Although, both may get monotonous after certain period of time, relationships and jobs are inevitable for our survival. This February I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day and an Excellent Appraisal!!!
Last week, IIT Kharagpur in its flagship cultural festival - Spring Fest, showcased Nukkad Nataks, where groups of students have performed on the social issues pertinent in our society. One of them that made a big impression on my mind was entitled, 'Kya Kahenge Char Log'.
India has a collectivist and high context culture, where people prefer to live in close knit groups, stress on group goals instead of personal goals and give high importance on how the group around sees them, as opposed to the individualistic and low context culture existing in the west.
All cultures have their own traits and characteristics. That is Ok. But the problem occurs when this gives rise to individual depressions, crimes and oppression in the society. Students beautifully demonstrated by acting out four different situations where our collectivist culture had appeared as a bane:
- A 12th pass student who has cleared his IIT-JEE entrance but is also brilliant at acting. He wants to pursue his career in acting but his father shots down his idea by saying, 'Kya Kahenge Char Log!'.
- A young girls is raped. When she tells this to her parents, her parents tell her to keep silence about the incident and not file a complaint giving the same reason as, 'Arre, Kya Kahenge Char Log, agar unhe pata chala to!'.
- Husband of a newly married family dies. His parents and society blame the girl for bringing him the death. She lives in despair throughout the life. When someone suggests to remarry the girl, the answer is, 'Kya Kahenge Char Log!'.
- A couple who is not able to conceive after many attempts when suggested by the wife that her husband should go for a medical check up he responds, 'Kya Kahenge Char Log!'.
The above list is not exhaustive. A girl is not allowed to have a boy friend or roam around with her guy friends because - kya kahenge char log. But the same girl is pushed into a stranger's room on the first night of her wedding. Later on if that stranger abuses her, hits her or does any thing else, and if she asks for divorce people will deny her because - kya kahenge char log. If a guy/girl wants to concentrate on their career and delay their wedding plans they are not allowed because - kya kahenge char log. A women wants to work after her wedding or after she has kids, she is not allowed because - kya kahenge char log. A young boy wants to earn some extra pocket money and is willing to work at Pizza Hut or Domino's, he is not allowed because - kya kahenge char log. A girl wants to wear a short skirt, she is not allowed - because kya kahenge char log. Two people from different cast, love each other, but they are not allowed to marry because - kya kahenge char log.
I have always wondered - kon hain ye char log. Probably, so have you. But at times we are the one's who are included in that 'char' log. Let's be supportive for our friends and family. I just wish that next generation is not raised in the fear of this CHAR log.
